| The Other "S" Word... Adapted from Every Woman's Marriage by Shannon & Greg Ethridge |
| Although s-e-x often feels like a forbidden subject to discuss in Christian circles, there's another s-word that can elicit even more fear and trembling: Submission. We've talked about it in Sunday School recently, which inspired us to share some further thoughts on this sticky subject. We believe neither partner should seek to control the other, but rather serve one another, which will inspire proper submission rather than require it. That's why Scripture teaches us to mutually submit to one another and to work together as a team toward a common goal -- harmony and oneness. Paul explains the model of mutual submission in Ephesians 5:21-25: …you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. Notice Paul is charging both husband and wife to submit to one another. It's a two-way street. And these charges aren't conditional. We can't wait until we feel the other partner has earned that submission before we're responsible for doing our part. Consider the example of a Chief Executive Officer (CEO) and a Chief Operations Officer (COO). Ultimately, the CEO is the leader in charge, but he delegates the authority to lead the day-to-day operations to the COO. The COO is free to set goals, direct the staff, make decisions and suggestions, offer feedback, and so on, but does it as an extension of the CEO and under his umbrella of authority, not because the CEO is incompetent or unwilling to do it himself. Now apply this same relational dynamic to marriage. Ultimately, God has given husbands the charge of being the spiritual head of the household, but God also created woman as a “helpmate” to man. Think of woman as a COO of sorts, who is under her husband's authority, the CEO of their family. She may be the one setting certain goals, calling many shots, directing the staff (or children), making decisions, and so on. But rather than doing so begrudgingly thinking the CEO is incapable, she operates in this role with excellence as an extension of him. | This also applies to spiritual leadership. Many women complain that their husbands don't initiate family devotions or prayer time together. So what's wrong with the wife acting as the COO and cheerfully offering to read a devotion or say a prayer, or respectfully inviting the CEO to do so? Just because a wife thinks of the idea or initiates more often doesn't mean that she's the spiritual leader. It simply means she's a great helpmate. Greg's Two Cents Worth I can't stress enough how important it is for a woman to approach this topic with great sensitivity. It can be a real blessing to a husband when his wife initiates family devotions and prayer time with a happy heart. But when she does it with disdain for him, it makes him feel humiliated and resentful of her. For example… We send our kids to bed thirty minutes before lights out so they can read their Bible and have quiet time with God. However, one evening Matthew's bedtime of 8:30 came around, but there was less than two minutes on the clock left in a Dallas Mavericks game. Matthew wouldn't have understood if I'd been legalistic enough to say, “Go to your room and have your quiet time right now.” So I let him watch until the game was over. Oblivious, Shannon says in a condescending tone, “Maybe the kids' quiet times are not a priority to you, but they are to me. How much longer are you going to ignore his bedtime?” She assumed that I was so engrossed in the game that I'd lost track of time. But I was doing what I thought was best. I was hurt by her lack of trust and respect. Fast forward several months. One evening, Shannon sweetly said, “Do you ever worry that we don't spend as much time as we should discussing spiritual matters as a family? I know we take our kids to church and they attend Christian schools, but sometimes I wonder if we could focus more on their spiritual growth here at home. What do you think?” Shannon's attitude this time was completely different. She wasn't pointing a finger at me. She was looking into the mirror and questioning the reflection, a reflection that I couldn't deny needed improvement. I agreed, thanked her for bringing it up, and together we prayed that God would help us make our kids' spiritual growth more of a priority. Your attitude and approach truly makes all the difference. Submit to one another out of respect for Christ and love for one another, and God will truly be glorified in your marriage. |